Is radical self-love the missing key in birth preparation? Our guest Virginia Bobro, has been working with pregnant families and new parents for over 22 years and is a mother of three university aged children. This episode we dig deeper into wholehearted birth preparation. While being informed and knowledgeable on what to expect during labour and birth is important, it isn't all there is when it comes to preparing for your birthing time. Self-love is a path of self inquiry, one that takes the seeker to a whole new level of understanding and personal growth, no matter how a birth unfolds.

Virginia describes how much of what has shaped her work has grown out of working with people who have been shaken by their experiences during pregnancy, birth or the months following birth. She says when people encounter something unexpected, chaotic, a disruption in their lives, accompanied with a psychological or spiritual disruption of their sense of self, forces come together to present an opportunity to reevaluate and reconstruct meaning in their lives, about who they are and what is important to them. She goes on to say, It is a fine line between positive growth or falling the other way into trauma, suffering, isolation and mood disorders. When expectant parents are prepared, not for specific events, but to be in ways prepared for the unknown, to think about and work through fears, encouraged to be mindful and self-aware, the greater the resilience, or grounding they have for themselves and other people in their life, they also experience more cohesion, more interconnection and less fractioning of their mental and psychical health.

Virginia suggests instead of thinking about birth preparation as a bunch of things to learn, accumulate or do, there is an opportunity to develop sense of self, relationships, flexibility and most importantly self-love.

Virginia Bobro resides in Las Vegas, Nevada, US. Virginia has been working with families during the childbearing year or over 22 years as a doula, lactation consultant, childbirth educator and for 10 years as a Birthing From Within teacher trainer. 2018, Virginia is expanding her horizons offering personal growth retreats for mothers, birth workers and others in transitory phases of their life. You can connect more with Virginia at [email protected]

"You're a birth photographer? Isn't that a bit gory?"  Alex Warland is now used to that question, and but instead she admits to the privilege of witnessing a woman at the pinnacle of her power, and the birth of a new family.

"Of course your partner can take pictures at your birth, but with a photographer, their experience is captured as well." says Alex.  "I had no idea how supportive my husband was, yet he was there the whole time!" says Luna  "I'll treasure these pictures forever...  I now wish someone had photographed my mother in her full power giving birth to me."

The birth photography profession has gone through a significant boom in the last few years, especially with the proliferation of social media.  These images appear to be so emotive, women in particular are inspired to document these peak, yet intensely personal experiences in their lives.

Still, birth photography lacks general acceptance and understanding. Rhiannon hired a photographer for her second birth earlier this year, but her grandparents questioned her choice.  "Of course I'll have a photographer there." she told them. For Rhiannon, the bringing in of new life is "better than any wedding day".

Rhiannon discovered birth photography after the premature birth, and subsequent passing, of her firstborn nearly five years ago.  In the haze and shock of the experience, the hospital offered her access to a birth photographer for free to document her and her husband's final hours with their baby.  She admits she would never have thought to ask for this, and is so glad she was offered the services of Heartfelt - a volunteer organisation of photographers.  "Without the photos, I would have forgotten so much about our first baby."

So for her second birth, Rhiannon was clear she wanted a photographer present - "so many details you forget, or don't see", and this birth was to be a rarely-offered procedure known as a maternal-assisted c/section.  Rhiannon herself would be able to lift her baby out of her belly with her own hands and she wanted to capture everything.   

​"Every detail of your child's birth is so important." says Rhiannon.  In our podcast "Capturing the Moment" Rhiannon refers to one photo in particular of a nurse in the theatre looking at Rhiannon with tears in her eyes, as she looks at her baby for the first time. 

Birth is such a hormonal process, and in Rhiannon's case, technically complex as well, so birth photographers need to be extremely careful to not disturb the woman or her team in any way. 

Scholars of birth, such as Dr Sarah Buckley, say that a woman needs to feel "private, safe and unobserved" to give birth efficiently, as well as bond and establish breastfeeding.  "Your birth photographer needs experience in being in a birth space. They must be quiet and respectful at all times." says Alex.

Birth photographers tend to already be working in the field, which gives them this understanding.  Alex Warland is a breastfeeding counsellor and Rana Rankin, who took Rhiannon's photos is a midwife.

It's a profession that also calls for a special dedication, with birth often happening at inconvenient times.  "It's like being a doula or a midwife" says Alex.  "You've got to be on call and ready to drop your kids with friends or family at any time."

Anita, a midwife before becoming a mother, knew from her first pregnancy she would hire a birth photographer, and that they would need to fade into the wallpaper to not disturb her.  "I had absolutely no idea where she was in the room the whole time." she says. "Yet she knew what to capture and when."

​Here's a list of pointers, compiled with Alex's help.

• A directory of birth photographers can be found at: http://birthphotographers.com/ and at: www.aipp.com.au/.
• Check out the photographer's website and get a feel for if they are passionate and educated on birth. It’s very important they have experience specific to birth, as it requires a very unique set of skills and a certain amount of dedication to photographing birth.  If possible, speak with some women who have engaged the photographer before.
• As with all other choices you'll make in your birth, your partner also needs to be on-board with having a photographer present.  Give yourself and your partner time to discuss all possible concerns or questions together well before the birth.
• When you meet, make sure you feel good with them.  You are inviting them into a very personal sacred space so you need to feel comfortable with the person you choose.
• Give clear guidelines for what you want photographed, and what you don't.  Some women are happen for everything to be photographed, and others want discreet shots only.  Consider showing your photographer the kinds of pictures you like.
• Check they have a backup photographer they work with who is also experienced, in case they can't make it.
• Birth photographers need top of the range equipment, as birth can happen in virtual darkness and they need to be able to work with that.
• Ask if they have liability insurance. 
• How much they change can be a good indication of how good they are and how seriously they take birth. Generally you shouldn't be paying any less than $800 with the amount of work that goes in, and even that is very cheap. Good photographers will charge between $1000 and $3000.
• Remember there is much more work going into birth photography than wedding photography, being on call for 5 weeks, missing kids events/ birthdays, going to events in separate cars, on-call babysitters, lengthy times at the labour. As with everything, you will get what you pay for. This is a lifetime investment and you may need to plan ahead and save accordingly.

Nicole Moore from Birth into Being Australia also has a short video with suggestions for preparing for a photographer in your birth space.

"One day, photographers will be at most births, the way photographers are at most weddings." says Alex.  With the huge international interest in these highly emotive images, I'm inclined to agree.

For more inspiration from professionally taken birth images, check out this compilation of "a birth photographers' why".

Author: Sally Cusack

About Milli:
Milli Hill is the Founder and Director of the positive birth movement.
Milli set up the Positive Birth Movement in 2013 and has since run it from her laptop whilst her three small children sit on her arms. She is passionate about positive birth as a human right for all women and campaigns and speaks on this issue in the media and at high profile conferences and events. She is a Columnist for Telegraph Women and the author of The Positive Birth Book. Milli lives in Somerset and is happy to be contacted on 077 391 391 15 or via [email protected].

About The Positive Birth Book:
Work out what kind of birth you really want, and learn how to maximise your chances of getting it, in this refreshing, warm and witty guide to pregnancy, birth and the early weeks. Packed with vital and cutting-edge information on everything from building the ultimate birth plan, to your choices and rights in the birth room; from optimal cord clamping, to seeding the microbiome; from the inside track on breastfeeding, to woman-centred caesarean, The Positive Birth Book shows you how to have the best possible birth, regardless of whether you plan to have your baby in hospital, in the birth centre, at home or by elective caesarean. Find out how the environment you give birth in, your mindset and your expectations can influence the kind of birth you have, and be inspired by the voices of real women, who tell you the truth about what giving birth really feels like.

For people listening in today or if you have friends or family  with unresolved birth trauma, no matter how long ago, there are birth trauma specific resources such as  birthtalk.org, birthing from within, and PANDA.org.au which are dedicate to supporting women, birthers and their families.

More information - 
www.positivebirthmovement.org

Copyright
PBB Media
Producer/Host: Annalee Atia
Interviewee: Milli Hill
Music on this podcast: Deva Premal and Miten, 'Ida Were Were' (African folk song)

It's probably part of the human condition to feel like the odd one out at least sometimes in our lives.  Sooner or later, though, the feeling passes.  Or is that just us rejoining the stream I wonder?

Eventually though our discomfort with the status quo means we can't just rejoin the stream.  We feel a growing need to stop, reassess and swim the other way.  But how do we find the energy, the strength, the bravery, even to put aside everyone's opinions and actually STEP UP and STEP OUT into that truth?  And more than that, how do we sustain that effort over years?

At Pregnancy Birth and Beyond Media our aim is to inform families and their communities about their choices in parenting, health care, education and more, so we can make choices that are not only informed, but choices we ourselves can live with.  However, when we have decisions foisted on us without the opportunity to get informed and have discussions, we are left with questions that can be very hard to live with.  All too often this happens to families, particularly in the field of health care where they may be lacking the safest form of care for decision making, continuity of care.  Too much health care is delivered in a fragmented way, even though international health safety research has found fragmented care leads to poorer outcomes and higher costs.  So, seeking continuity of care and building a relationship of 'partnering' with your carer is one of our big themes.  We are also keen to inform because it takes on over 17 years for scientific discoveries to make their way to clinical practice - even more reason to seek a partnership (rather than subservient role) with your health care provider.

Getting informed is just a part of the puzzle though.  We also need to be inspired to act.  Like that little red fish in the picture, what will it take for that fish to actually head off in the other direction?  This is where the stories we publish come in.  Stories help the listener see how they can implement information into their own lives because they get to hear how someone else did it.  This brings the information from the realm of theory to practicality.

And so we have organised this event "STEPPING UP, STEPPING OUT" for our community to hear stories from our MC Jannine Barron (founder of Natures Child) and four people who have changed their game in completely diverse arenas:

• Zenith Virago Founder of the Natural Death Centre
• Luka Lesson (by video)  Australian slam poetry champion
• Dr Robyn Thompson, Midwife and breastfeeding researcher
• Joel Orchard, Farmer and founder of Future Feeders

We have also lined up music from Shai Shriki, Amir Paiss, Avishai Benanatan and Ohad Rein, as well as dance to embody the messages of stepping up into the change you want to make in your life.

When we make positive change in our lives, we set the example for our children to do the same, without question or delay.  They'll be so much more inclined to just step into their truth without needing cajoling or coaxing - or events like this :)

Now, more than ever, our world needs everyone swimming in their right direction.

​This little clip below gives you more of a feel for the event....

You'll also get to hear from our team, and how we're getting ready to STEP UP and STEP OUT into our next stage of development.  We started out 7 years ago as a weekly radio show on 99.9 BayFM, Byron Bay Australia, put together by a small team of parents who wanted to share the sort of information we wish we knew when we started out.  Since then, we have branched out to podcasting, and our weekly show is now syndicated to the national community radio network.  And this year our team has expanded considerably and we are ready for more, which you'll get to hear about at this Friday's event.

In our latest podcast, we hear from Nicqui Yazdi, founder of the Byron Schoolies Hub and long-time advocate of young people.  Nicqui shares her journey of transition to becoming a volunteer and supporter of local and visiting youth, initiated mainly by a massive personal crisis.  Nicqui's tips for taking that first step for change? "Feel the fear and do it anyway" she says, and "everyone has something to give", so consider volunteering, which Nicqui feels has repaid her more than she has ever given.  Even when life feels really hard "volunteering is so good for your mental health".  

This clip shows Nicqui's work in more detail.  And she is looking for vollies right now to help her with the upcoming Schoolies' season. You can contact her at: [email protected] for more information.

And you can hear more of Nicqui's story in this podcast.  Enjoy.
​- Sally Cusack